From Anomaly to Majority: Reflections on Being Mixed Race in San Francisco and Ending Up in the Hapa Heaven of Honolulu by Valerie Lo
San Francisco, California . . .
I have gotten used to the reflection in their eyes, when strangers and new acquaintances alike glance at me; they seem uncertain, confused. They become uncomfortable with my appearance because it is difficult to place ethnically and often even racially. Then the questions began. It did not seem to happen from whites more than Asian Americans or vice versa. Members of both racial groups felt the need to ask, and often the audacity to question my ethnicity, race, generational status, language, and the status of my parents. I then confirmed that yes I am Asian, yes, I am Chinese and even more surprising to most; yes I am Irish, Scottish, German, and even Jewish. Next, the real controversy started. No, my mother is not an Asian woman married to an "American." Yes, my father was the immigrant. To many, this was unheard of. According to most of the dominant society who still view interracial marriage with unnecessary concern, I am the anomaly. My white, American mother chose to marry a Chinese American man who had only lived a little over a decade in the United States. Unlike many Asian American men who intermarry, my father was not second or third generation, a native English speaker, or from an upper class assimilated family, but had immigrated to the United States as a child from Hong Kong. My mother's family had resided in San Francisco since the early 20th century. Another anomaly, even though I am the child of an immigrant whose people were excluded until the middle of the 20th century, I am also a native San Franciscan, 4th generation on my mother's side.
When I was judged as another Eurasian or Amerasian, exoticized as the permanent mark of an illicit, taboo relationship, or an Asian American woman marrying out, my mother and father's real life struggle as an intermarried couple in the 1970s (an Asian American man with a white woman) was negated. The cultural clashes as well as prejudice and racism that surrounded their early union were due to their marriage being even more unconventional and unacceptable than the more common but (though still untraditional) Asian woman-white man marriage. Further, my father was the only one of his parents four sons to marry and he was not only marrying outside of his ethnicity, but outside of his race.
If people ask of my father's occupation, Assistant Chief of the San Francisco Fire Department, I see it register in their eyes, he must be white. An immigrant Chinese Fire Chief, even in liberal and diverse San Francisco is still unheard of to many. Even when friends ask about my parents' beliefs regarding interracial relationships, premarital cohabitation, sexual orientation, etc, they are shocked to find my father so open-mined and liberal (for a Chinese father, an immigrant no less). People are also shocked to find out he never told us he wished we were boys or treated us any different than he would a male child. I still have yet to hear of another Asian American father who played basketball, volleyball and even football with their daughters, taught them to ski better than any boy, and encouraged them to become firefighters. Sometimes when I look at my parents I see two individuals who could not be more different visually, socially, and professionally, but at the same time could not be more alike. Thus, racial lines blur and while they must look appalling together to those who still do not tolerate interracial marriage, to me they are normal, everyday, just mom and dad. While my parents originate from vastly distinct cultural backgrounds and upbringings, both are extremely driven, motivated, and hard working. My parents also both enjoy sports such as skiing and golf as well as traveling, cooking and socializing with friends. Hence, it is easy to forget my mother came from a white, primarily Catholic family who taught her that girls stay home and get married and thus dismissed her desire for any further education beyond high school. However, she proved them wrong when she entered college in the 1980s after having two children and graduated with a degree in Business in 1988. At the same time, I have to strain to see my father as part of a traditional immigrant Chinese family where the sons become doctors or lawyers, marry Chinese women, and uphold cultural traditions. Thus, my parents' desire to break free of the traditional and expected norms of their families and communities may have been what caused them to seek someone with similar goals and beliefs rather than skin color.
While my parents both have their distinct cultural backgrounds and upbringings to contend with as they persevere in their relationship with each other, I often wonder what they thought it would be like to raise mixed race children at a time when people of my heritage and ethnic backgrounds were few and far between. From broaching the issue of Asian American Studies and Mixed Race Studies with them over the past few years, I surmise that they did not expect one daughter to identify so closely with being Asian American as well as Hapa and to pursue her academic as well as professional career in the area of Asian American and Ethnic Studies. I know that my mother believes she passed little of herself to me in that I look, feel, and identify as much more Asian American than any of my other ethnicities and race. In addition, my mother may have only realized her whiteness and the privilege associated with it when she became the racial and ethnic minority in her immediate family. However, I am sure my father is surprised that I have chosen to center my social and professional life around Asian American studies and the Asian American community since often the immigrant generation due to language barriers, socioeconomic status, and the struggle for daily survival, do not have the luxury of obtaining this kind of education.
In May of 2005, I completed my Master of Arts degree in Asian American Studies in one of only two Masters programs in Asian American Studies that currently exist in the United States. Currently, I am pursuing a Ph.D . in American Studies at the University of Hawai'i with a concentration in Asian American Studies. Living in Honolulu has re-opened my eyes to what it means to be or claim to be Asian American. Here, we are everywhere and the claim to Hapa and/or Asian Americanness is shared by the majority rather than the few. Additionally, some argue that the "local" identity has replaced the need for an Asian American pan identity. Perhaps. However, as I ventured with my parents through the streets of Moiliili, a small district in Honolulu comprised of primarily local Asians and Asian Americans, my dad turned to my mom and stated, "you're the only white person here." It was amazing, and he was right.
As I pursue my studies at UH, for the first time in my life, I am able to forget my ethnicity and race (though not my Asian American and Hapa pride). It's strange. Now, if anyone questions me at all, it's as to why I look local but speak like a mainlander. Last week as I arrived in freezing cold San Francisco after months on O'ahu, I looked around and could not believe that almost everyone around me was white and with my dark skin (from the Hawai'i sun and good Asian genes), dark hair, and ever-so-slanted eyes, I was once again the minority, once again hyper-conscious of my identity.
Living In a Bizzaro World by Frank Y Pak Agostinelli
What a world we'd live in if we, Mixed Asians could flip the script. If we could be the "true" majority. Every single scenario we have played lead role in was no longer ours. We were simply credited as "cameos" or not credited at all. What if?
1. A Hapa male steps to a beautiful Caucasian woman and asks, "what are you?" The woman blushes and says she's Caucasian of course. The man interjects, "No, no, no I mean you know, your mix?" She proceeds to tell him, "I'm Greek, Italian, and French." "Oh my you're so exotic looking," exclaims the Hapa male. "I have an affinity for White women!"
2. A group of Mixed Asians go to Caucasia Town to take in some of the fine cuisine Caucasian people have to offer. Those being hot dogs, American chop suey, meat pies, and cotton candy. They are also there to take in some of the culture and do some shopping. A Hapa girl wants to buy her boyfriend a pair of boat shoes. "He'll love these!"
3. A Caucasian female is upset as she posts on a forum board complaining about the lack of choices when filling out the census. "I'm not just White. I'm German, Austrian, and Hungarian. I want more choices and I don't want to check off just White!" Some members are of mixed Asian ancestry. They pretty much lay into her and ask, "what's the big deal?"
4. Johnny who is White is hanging out with Sammy and Jay who are Hapa. Sammy cracks a joke about telling a White person to rotate the tires on his home. Sammy and Jay laugh uncontrollably while Johnny cracks a smirk. Jay proceeds to ask, "Johnny, what is wrong with your people? I mean, you're a cool White guy but come on man! What is up?!"
5. Rebecca has a family issue. The problem being her French side of the family doesn't accept her as her German side does. This pains her as she tries to figure out why? Why the nonsense? We are family and this is what should matter. Because of this, Rebecca gravitates to her German roots. She takes classes about the history of Germany as well as German language classes. "I'm going to go where I am wanted."
6. A White student complains about the lack of Caucasian groups on his campus. He complains, Hapa/Mixed Asian groups are the norm with Black and Hispanic groups running a distant second. He also happens to be attending the UCMA, the University of California/Mixed Asians, a college that caters exclusively to Hapas but accepts all. The White student was accepted because of his excellent SAT scores.
The above scenarios can pretty hilarious when someone else has to endure them and to actually feel what a person of mixed Asian ancestry has dealt with and in many cases still deals with. They also bring to light the hypocrisy we have endured. Does it sound pretty cool when someone else has to go through it? Well, no. It pretty much sucks. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. The questions, "what are you" and "where are you from" are standard protocol. It is part of what defines us. Being a Mixed Asian is part of what defines us. We do complain when we have to deal with idiots but at the same time relish the opportunity to share our thoughts with someone who exudes genuineness. If it wasn't for our collective/individual experiences, we wouldn't be what we are today. The last thing we want is to be perceived as some side show freak at the annual carnival. We simply desire to be looked at as people. We are people, but the fact remains as long as our appearance doesn’t resemble the Agents in the Matrix Trilogy, we will be people, secondly. Besides, who wouldn't want to drop a Steve Byrne take after a fan club member insistently asks where are you from? Like I'm from some mutant island south of the Philippines, the Island Of Half-Asia. It’s just me, Keanu Reeves, and Tiger Woods on a beach all day playing volleyball.
